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Sunday, March 14, 2010

Forgive & Forget

Sorry, I do not function like that.
Most often, when i havent even tried to forget incident(s), I will never forgive.
I admit this, I'm petty.

It has been a long day yesterday, and I'm feeling terrible, even till now.

I need a space to rant my thoughts, to vent my frustration or my upsets in a way, and most often I'll end up blogging. Even when I stopped blogging for a long long while, I starts when I have the urge to write/type, the sudden surge of happiness/sadness/anger/busy-ness, etc.

I've just wept myself to sleep this morning, at 3+am.
I admit this, I'm a crybaby.

I'm an attention seeker, I seek for attention.
I can be left alone, but not too long. It irritates me too.

How could you not feel?
How could you tell me everything in the day, and everything just turn opposite in the evening?
What is love? Being generous?
Fine, I admit this. I find love selfish at times.

What is the use of seeking permission, when I couldnt even say no in that kind of situation?
What is the use of standing up and leaving at the moment in time to stop the suffering I've endured throught the hours when all it does is putting us both to shame, and me being a wilful girl?
ok, I admit this, I'm jealous. Awfully jealous and upset.

And i know, I'll probably remember this particular incident for the month or so.

Remember the choice you made when you left us and went away.
The time you kept quiet and listen throughout the conversation a couple of days back.
Remember the incident jsut happen this horrible morning.
I remembered this very very clearly "You're my buddy", it sounds very wrong when I dont feel that since nearly a decade ago.
"You're my buddy", when you got my love one over to your side for so long hours.

Sad to say, if you happen to read the above, I'm never too sorry for blogging away.
If i never get the chance to write/ type my feeling, I'll always be moody and I'm be upset at least for a week, and I will never do this to myself ever since Blog came in.

And yes, there goes our decade of "buddy".
Yes, I'm petty, a crybaby, an attention-seeker, selfish, jealous, upset, love-over-friend kinda girl.
And I do not bother abt anyone else i'm feeling down.
Byebye, "buddy" which have never really existed since the day you left us.

Blogged @ 11:43 AM
always thinking -